The Joys of MindNumbing Medication
by WraithLoverQueen
Summary: Being stuck in Avalar has a lot of unfortunate consequences for Raziel...


A/N: This is a little crack fic that takes place in my Council of the Twin Lights universe. so there isn't any confusion, Spyro and Raziel's forms are their human ones given to them by Coco Bandicoot's transformation stopwatches. This little fic was something that popped into my head after RPing with my "brother" where he ended up having Raz and the Elder God singing Uncle Albert while Kain just got creeped out by it... I used it to slowly eat away at my writer's block so that I can work on my actual fanfics and original stories...

So that you know what they look like, there's pictures of Raz and Spyro's human forms on my Deviant Art page, the link is in my profile on here...

The Joys of Mind Numbing Medication

"No, I absolutely refuse….! I am much too busy to participate in such a trifling act…"

"Busy? Raz, dood, I think yer wirin's all screwed over!" Spyro yelled as he held up a blank piece of paper to his tall, pale-skinned companion, "There's nothin' on the mission schedule, how can you be busy? And how in the falcon world is getting your wounds patched up by Coco an annoying act? Yer bleedin' all over the castle floor!" Both human-looking creatures looked at the stone floor of the Autumn Plains castle; there was a long trail of blue blood puddles. Raziel simply blinked at his short companion then stuck his hands in his pockets and simply continued on his way down the corridor.

"Such trivial things… My healing abilities shall take over the wounds soon enough…" Spyro snorted smoke out his nose as he gave the wraith an unimpressed glare and crossed his arms.

"As if, man! I know how that patch-job body of yours works! Those fancy healin' abilities don't work fast enough unless you have enough rest and have drank plenty of blood."

"Your point being, dragon…?"

"Mah point bein' that ya haven't slept in a week and I can't even remember the last time you drank any blood or swallowed a soul." A low hiss escaped Raziel's fangs, he had been hoping that Spyro hadn't noticed, "So, dood, either you limp willingly over to Coco's infirmary or I'm gonna drag ya there. Because no matter how powerful you are, you can't do water fowl to me in the shape you're in." Raziel simply raised his nose in to the air in defiance as he once again continued limping down towards his chambers, making Spyro growl in pent up anger as smoke and ash slipped from between his lips.

"That's it, pal, ya leave me no choice but to be forward about the situation! Elora's gonna kill us as it is with this mess on the floor…" Spyro's hand shot forward and pulled Raziel back by the clan marker around his neck, then shoved his hand under the human-looking wraith's shirt; taking hold of the tattered wing remnants that were folded gently under the soft cloth.

"Ack! Spyro, release my wings at once!" Raziel demanded in a shocked voice as pain was transmitted from the sensitive pieces of torn leather as they were yanked backwards and used to pull him towards the infirmary. Spyro just smirked as he tugged on them a little harder.

"Sorry, man, not gonna happen…. I warned ya, but no, ya just didn't want to listen!" The young human-looking dragon simply laughed as the exhausted and bleeding wraith made a pathetic attempt to fight back. Raziel finally gave up the struggle and let Spyro guide him by the wings as he glared up at Spyro's golden companion, who was currently laughing at them.

"Laugh on, little insect. This is not the last you will hear of this…"

A little more than an hour later, a creature of immense physical and magical energy lighted down on the high tower of the Autumn Plains castle. Silhouetted against two full moons, Kain stood tall in the cover of night. He had come through a mysterious portal that had formed in his homeland of Nosgoth, he was following the trail of his firstborn's presence and it led him to this strange yet beautiful land; a beauty that rivaled Nosgoth in her prime. Once there, Kain felt an obligation within himself to check on the state of his first lieutenant; that was if he really was alive and Kain's senses weren't just playing cruel tricks on him. Of course, Kain knew there was only one way to be sure. With this, he effortlessly slipped into the castle and followed Raziel's trail down the long stone corridors. He found it very strange that there was no guards on watch, no servants scurrying about, no sign of a royal crest either; yet the old castle looked sparkling beautiful and far from abandoned. His firstborn's spiritual trail led him down a long flight of stairs and down another passageway until he was greeted by the sight of a room that looked to be an infirmary. Kain hissed at the thought of Raziel, no matter how much of a pain he was, being held within what was most likely a human infirmary.

"Dib, it's the weirdest thing!" A female voice said from inside the room, a male responded with a slight noise before the female continued, "I gave Raz a sedative so that he'd finally get some sleep, but he never did and that was over an hour ago! So instead he's lying on a hospital bed laughing his head off at the most insignificant things!" Kain looked inside the room, strangely curious about their conversation; he silently slipped into the shadows of the room. He saw that the female looked like a blond female human except that she oddly had short orange fur and long pointed ears while the male appeared to be fully human with long, oddly shaped hair.

"Well, maybe sedatives effect undead differently…. He seems to be getting sleepier as time goes on; I'm sure that besides giving him the side effects of being drunk, He'll get some rest soon… Have you got him anything to eat?"

"Yeah, I got him something. It'll helping to heal those wounds I bandaged up." The female sighed and flicked her bangs as she wrote something down in a notepad while the male wrapped his arms around her waist.

"And just where is my lieutenant, you two…?" The two quickly span around at the sound of the coarse growling voice; the girl quickly placed a hand over the boy's mouth as Kain slowly stalked towards them. The blond quickly cleared her throat.

"Uh.. Ah hum! Uh, and who would be uh.. S-sir…?"

"I am Vampire lord, Kain of Nosgoth. I came here to search for my lieutenant once I caught the feel of his presence in this world." At this, the girl seemed to give a sigh of relief and placed her unoccupied hand on her hip.

"Oh! So you're the whacko that's got Raz so screwed up!" Kain was a little surprised at her attitude but didn't show it as she continued, "Ya know, you really did a number on those wings, buddy! He's in the other room resting if you want to see him but after all the stories he's told us, I doubt he'll want to see you while he's in that weird drunk-like state he's in." Normally, Kain would have killed her for her insolence but for some reason, just couldn't find the willpower to do it at that moment; maybe this world's laid back nature was making him soft… He turned to the door that the girl had indicated and began walking towards it, hearing the girl call out as he did.

"He's gonna look a little different than you remember, we had to change his form in order for him to live in our world without complications with our underworld." The large vampire lord walked through the door into the infirmary's next room and shut the door. He saw a young man wearing blue silk pajamas sitting in one of the beds. His physical appearance looked like a younger version of Raziel's vampire form with shorter bangs and black markings running from the bottom of his eyes onto his cheeks instead of black lips.

"Kain! Swhat in seh name of Nosgoth 're ya doing herez?" The voice, twisted in a drunken sounding slur unquestionably belonged to Kain's firstborn even though he could already tell from the old clan flag that lay folded nicely on the table next to him. Kain slowly walked towards him, effortlessly catching a pillow that was thrown at him with a good amount of strength behind; but still not as much as there should have been.

"Raziel… You're alive…"

"No! Wait…! Yes! …Uh.. Maybe… Pfft! I couldn't tell ya!" The vampire lord raised an eyebrow as Raziel burst into an uncharacteristic fit of giggles after responding. The "drunk" wraith gave Kain, who was starting to feel very disturbed, a lopsided grim as the vampire sat down on the bed next to him.

"Mister crazy vampire lord, sir, can I have mah pillow back? I gotta use it to fend off the freakish little white rabbits that are currently hiding in this room….!" The last part of Raziel's speech became a hoarse whisper as he looked around the room. Kain slowly handed him the pillow, which the wraith quickly snatched away, as he silently watched him; wondering just what that girl had done to his firstborn. Raziel gave a rapid peek under the bed for bunny infestations before sitting up again, he reached out and grabbed the metal piece keeping Kain's clan banner in place and used it to jerk his sire forward until their foreheads smacked and their noses touched.

"Yha know wha, smister… You suck! …And I don't just mean because you're a vampire…!" Kain gave his glaring son an inquisitive look before the latter broke into more giggles and roughly shoved the vampire backwards before flopping down backwards and covering his face with his hands, "Oh great! It's finally happened! Hehe… Spyro's lame excuse at humor has infiltrated and corrupted my mind! Heh!" Suddenly, Raziel sat up and gave a large yawn before straightening up to glare at a small chair at the other side room.

"There! Can ya see it, Kain! There's a tiny white rabbit hiding behind that chair's leg!" The mentally compromised wraith's eye twitched slightly as he stared intently at the chair, more sure with every passing moment that the rabbit would show itself. Raziel's strange obsession with the non-existent rabbits was disturbing Kain more every minute, but of course he would never tell anybody that. Trying to remove Raziel's concentration from the fabled animal, Kain reached up his rust colored claws took hold of Raziel's jaw, and then forced him to turn so that they faced each other. The now sleepy-looking wraith stuck out his tongue in a child-like manner, an action that he had picked from Spyro doing it too many times to him.

"You're a real jerk, ya know?" In his "drunken" state, Raziel was using many of the speech patterns he had picked from Spyro but would never have used while "sober". He took hold of one of his tattered wings, they were the only thing that couldn't be fixed in the form change, and held it up so that Kain could see it, "I mean jus' look at these wings..! Thanks a lot, creep…" Raziel glared intently with a straight face at Kain's neutral expression but couldn't hold it; he quickly burst out laughing and changed the subject.

"Your hair is really pretty!" Kain sighed, he knew where this was going…"I mean, how do you keep it such a snowy white color! You eat like a pig, blood splatters EVERYWHERE! Just how!" Kain rubbed the bridge of his nose as he listened to Raziel continue to ramble on; he knew Raziel talked a lot but this was just ridiculous! The extremely sleepy looking wraith was just talking on and not getting anywhere.

"Ya know, Kain. There was once this guy named Maxwell that went around killing purple people with a silver hammer until he met a bear one day and jumped into a tree to talk to a witch doctor. He then asked him what the magic words were to tell the bear he loved it!" The vampire lord was officially becoming creeped out now, not that he would let that be shown to anyone though. Raziel let out another yawn as his eyes began to close and he leaned his head against Kain's shoulder.

"Raziel, release me this instant!"

"No! Yor the lastz link I haves to Nosgoth…. Zzzzz" His words slurred in sleep as he got a death grip on his sire's wrist and fell into a drug induced slumber.

"Raziel!" The vampire yelled angrily but the wraith only snored softly in reply.

"Shehehe! You ain't goin' nowhere, dood, now that Raz's got a grip on ya." Kain turned to face the owner of the voice to see a short blond boy with horns and patches of purple in his hair. Kain quickly got a sinking feeling by the cocky look on the boy's face as he laughed at the vampire, that this was the annoying Spyro that Raziel had been speaking of. This trip was only getting worse…

~~~~~~~~A/N: I'm pretty sure that was mentally scarring for everyone but Spyro. He's such a little jerk! XP

Any questions you have should have answers SOMEWHERE on my DA page...


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